activation, or: inversely
by julamei
Summary: Unlike Ichigo, Rukia's life had not stood still. While Ichigo despairs, Rukia experiences some of her greatest triumphs. Slight IchiRuki one-shot that glimpses into Rukia's 17 months.


Disclaimer: Bleach (& therefore its characters) is owned by Kubo-sensei.

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**Activation [or: inversely]**

Unlike Ichigo, Rukia's life had not stood still. While Ichigo despairs, Rukia experiences some of her greatest triumphs. [slight IchiRuki one-shot, word count: 1050]

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><p><em>Activation<em>_: to set in motion—make active or more active;  
><em>_to accelerate a reaction in_

Unlike Ichigo, I had not had months or weeks to get used to the idea of not being in his life. Unlike Ichigo, I have always had in the back of my mind the appreciation, however adverse, that at some point I would have to say goodbye.

I still hadn't been ready to watch his eyes lose sight of my form, to fade from his awareness, to become nonexistent in his world. For a moment I'd felt that I wasn't real. He had become my most special friend—even closer than Renji, though he and I had overcome just as many obstacles. Ichigo had once told me that I had "stopped the rain" and I had known immediately what he'd meant. I've always been shy and socially ill at ease, even with him at times, and I've always wished I'd said it back to him. Because if there's anything my time in the White Tower taught me, it's that Ichigo changed me and warmed and mended my cold and broken heart.

Today I'm becoming Squad 13's fukutaicho. When Ukitake-taicho first approached me about the position, I asked for some time to think it over. After I returned to Soul Society from the human world, I spent several days in solitude. I was sad to leave Ichigo, scared that I might've lost the first group of friends I'd made since the friends I'd had in Rukongai—all of whom had died besides Renji—and I'd needed some time for myself. I spent many hours in meditation with Sode no Shirayuki in order to find myself again, outside of the niche I'd constructed in the human world and with Ichigo; I also had to come to terms with Kaien-dono's death again and my own near-death (Unohana tried to have me come into the Fourth to see if she could remove the scars a bit better but I refused). During my hours with my zanpakuto, I reflected on my time in the human world, my time in the war, but mostly I reflected on and solidified all the reasons I had to get stronger.

It had been barely a week of my self-imposed imprisonment when Ukitake-taicho found me. He took me to his office, gave me tea, a warm smile, congratulations on my strength as a shinigami and growth as an individual… and offered me Kaien-dono's old position. I spit out my tea. _I spit out my tea in front of Ukitake-taicho!_ I had been spending much too much time with that barbarian Ichigo! Of course my kind-hearted taicho just laughed in his characteristically magnanimous manner, but I was mortified beyond belief.

As the atmosphere sobered, he told me he was serious, that he had been always been impressed with me—my strength, skill, determination, compassion and heart were all qualities he had seen in me from the beginning (_although I can't imagine how he saw these things in the small girl from the streets of Rukongai who hadn't even graduation from the Academy_) and had apparently witnessed their sufficient development over my time in the human world. He must have seen the hesitation on my face, because he spoke then of my battle with the Noveno* Espada. I left his office with slightly red eyes and a sniffly nose, but also with the fukutaicho badge Kaien-dono had worn, freshly painted and solid between my fingers. Underneath all of my mixed feelings, I knew that this was right.

I cut my hair once I arrived back to my room at the Kuchiki manor. I've always loved the middle-length of my dark-as-night tresses because I felt that it's just long enough to be feminine but short enough not to be overtly so. Although I have not always had the luxury of mirrors, my appearance has been one of the few constants in my life. But now, now I am a fukutaicho; I am a recognized warrior, a serious soldier, and I hold neither insecurity about my past nor any pretense of being a _girly_ girl. I renounce any personal attempt at being blatantly feminine—I accept that my body will not grow voluptuous curves (_after 150 years, I can let go of that juvenile dream_). I can no longer fear change or cherish bittersweet memories because I may be uncertain of my future. He may be reckless and impulsive, but Ichigo has taught me to trust in the strength of my soul, and I will move forward from here with no more regrets, only gratitude and love.

If Nii-sama was surprised by the change in my appearance—my hair or the badge now affixed to my shihakusho—when he called me to his office, he said nothing. He smiled (_actually smiled_) and slid a pair of lavish, silk gloves to me across his desk as a gift for my promotion.

"I am proud of you," he said. "The Kuchiki clan also extend their congratulations."

I thanked him, bowed, and walked out of the room, silent and beaming. _A present from Nii-sama!_

If Ichigo were aware of my new standing, I know he'd be proud. Part of me wishes I would visit and tell him, but it's better this way, that he lives his normal life unbothered with shinigami matters. His human friends and family with his human pleasures and problems have to be enough to sustain and satisfy him now—he is not to be burdened with Soul Society's issues just as he can no longer rely on his Soul Society friends. He has sacrificed enough. Maybe he'll learn to appreciate the opportunities his human life presents to him and use this time to continue growing and maturing (I'll never forget the look in his eyes when we said farewell, a look I could hardly envision on the face of the Ichigo I'd met two years ago). However, I also don't believe that our worlds will be separate for very long, as much as it pains me to pervert his mortal life. Ichigo is special: not just because his father was (is?) a shinigami, but more so because his soul is unmatched. He won't stay constrained for very long.

Until then, I have my destiny to fulfill and enjoy and explore.

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A/N: I am just so curious about Rukia's side of things. I don't know if we'll ever get her story (more so than we already have: that one panel of her freaking out after they'd ask her if she'd spy on Ichigo). *sigh* so I'll write her perspective as best I can…

Hope you liked it : ) Thank you for reading!

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*_Noveno Espada_ should be "Noven**a** Espada." This is definitely a moot point this late in the Bleach game, but I do speak Spanish (albeit poorly) and couldn't leave that well enough alone. Sorry guys, please carry on with your lives. And possibly review…?


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